remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
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Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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