she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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