Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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