Quick, to the slutcave!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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