That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
