He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
