soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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