Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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