I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
