yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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