Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
