Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize