never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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