he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
