I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
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I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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