Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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