I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
