He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
