I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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