i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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