Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
