Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
