God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
