In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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