we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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