my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
