oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
