i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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