I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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