Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
