I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
