I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he thought i was a dude.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
