Buhtt sex?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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