ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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