HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
