I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
