What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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