i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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