piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
