You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
