I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize