Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
