PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
