Me too!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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