Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
