Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
