the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
