got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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