shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
