Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Randomize
