i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
