Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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