Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm at about main and main street
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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