Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
