If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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