My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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