Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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