I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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