i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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