i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
