No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
