Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
