You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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